Passion vs. Fear

 

I recently became aware of a young man who has begun to read my articles. His name is Justin and it seems that he is involved in a career for reasons of “security” as the priority. He immediately struck me as a very sincere and open guy who is genuinely worried about his future career endeavors. As I briefly read through a few of his writings, I quickly found a scenario that I truly believe represents many people these days. In his descriptions, Justin focused on the passion (or lack there of) in the work place. He openly admitted to pursuing a college education which has led him to a type of work that leaves him struggling for motivation. In other words, he is bored with his professional endeavors as they currently are. In his particular case, we find a young man with only a few years invested in a career thus far and is now expressing some level of regret for taking the “safe” path. But what about those who have 15, 20, 25 or maybe even more years than that in a career that has them feeling trapped and lethargic? Sounds pretty sad doesn’t it? Before those of you in this category throw in the proverbial towel, I would like to address this wide spread issue from a psychological standpoint. I truly believe this phenomenon has captured a huge number of people these days. First of all, I will simply say that there is but a single reason for anyone to remain in a job that leaves you unmotivated……. FEAR.

At the opposing end of the perceived comfort scale we always find a fear of something. At the very heart of all our human concerns the principle of “control” is the sought after desire without exception.        Many career paths are decided and continued under the “assumption of achieved security”. If you feel secure, you believe you have control. The human structure has created a condition whereas our immediate physical control is our direct focus and our emotional satisfaction will simply have to wait. Within this concept, the condition of physical security is given precedence over our emotional security. The end result means that the paycheck has taken over the majority of the human mindset in the industrialized parts of our world.

As the world seems to get more complicated, the individual works even harder to achieve their version of personal control. This increase in the “me and I need to get mine” syndrome is at the root of human competition. As the perceived competition for physical control increases, the sense of concern for balance is pushed further down the priority ladder.

As I stated in one of thelistenbooks:   “Competition among the people is man kinds greatest blunder”.

Whether you are young like Justin or well advanced in your working years, the reason that most of you go to work every day is likely found in your physical needs and, if you are like most, your emotional feeling of motivation and passion has taken the back seat. As this illusion of prioritizing our physical security persists, it does not take long to become a robot by our own design. A sense of urgency to gain control of our physical well being right away (before we are left out) causes a rapid out-of-balance in our priorities. Then, as we look around at all the other robots who show us the overwhelming evidence of confirmation based on the similarity of their movements, we decide that this is just the way it is. With this decision of conformity, the accepted personal responsibility of ones own destiny is now obsolete. The “herd” mentality is given the responsibility of dictating a general direction. In essence, you have relieved yourself of being different from the masses. Whether the occurrence reveals a positive or negative result, there is great power in numbers…….

               It is the rare individual who stands away from the crowd.

When a pattern is established, we tend to accept this as “our normal”. (I will remind us all again that “normal” has little to do with “natural”). Once we each have our accepted normal path of direction, we then begin to subconsciously restrict the allowable flow of incoming potential new ideas. Without a conscious awareness of what we are actually doing, it is only a matter of time until we think we are without any feasible options. From a subconscious perspective, if we are unaware, we are not responsible. Within a short period of time this mental process will convince many people that they do not know what it is that would motivate them.

So to briefly summarize;       The initial fear of a lack of control toward physical well being caused a decision to pursue a “secure” path at the expense of a passionate choice, which soon caused a denial in the conscious acceptance of any available options.

At this point it becomes a confusing affair. Due to the subconscious blocking of new potential ideas, we can and do sincerely believe that we are without any real passions. Our willingness to succumb to the status quo of “safe and secure” (which is an illusion within itself) has hidden away from our view any ideas that would otherwise get us excited.  They are absolutely there, but as long as the fear of “being without” is dominate, those areas of personal excitement will likely stay hidden.

 It can seem extremely risky to step out of the available illusion of security in order to take a chance on being happy. 

It is for these reasons that it isn’t until later in life that many of us find our “Life’s work”. In general, it seems that we realize priority shifts as we age. Many of us walk similar paths with regards to spending many years in career(s) that leave us unfulfilled emotionally. For some of us, the discovery of our true calling only comes into view after we have earned all that income for all those years and are still not happy. I humbly admit to this myself. I have had those times of making millions (literally) and was not content with my accomplishments. I was a victim of working myself to ridiculous extremes only to come to a point when it all didn’t matter anymore. As I reflect, it is obvious I was not motivated by the income at all. I gave it away as fast as I earned it. I was hiding from life through my work.

My message applies to anyone who wishes to find out what truly would make you excited to pursue an endeavor. If, like Justin, you are in your younger years of a career, allow yourself the freedom to dream. Take on the personal responsibility of opening yourself up to new potentials. Your emotions should provide your direction. Your planned, rational thought should provide your process. If you find it scary to let your guard down and allow yourself to truly contemplate what type of endeavor would make you passionate, realize the fears revealed here are the reasons why you are reluctant. I will also suggest that part of your fear will be found in the possibility that you may just find what your looking for. Then you can’t hide behind the claim of unawareness any longer.

For those of you a little older, please accept that it is not decided by birthdays but instead it is your heart that will determine how you proceed. With reasonable consideration toward any physically demanding endeavors that may not be realistic at certain ages, it is precisely those of us with vast experiences that are in the position to know what we truly feel on the inside. I believe it is the responsibility of the advanced group to lead by example. Our examples should not consist of monetary accumulations but rather as an ongoing attitude of openly allowing new ideas to come into view. Stationary practices always become obsolete.

Maybe you didn’t yesterday, however, you will tomorrow if you decide today.

It is not your past actions that should have your focus but rather your current attitude toward tomorrows quests.       

 

 

Why?

Many times I have referred to the human being as a “herd creature”.  This reference is a simplistic way of saying that as humans we are naturally drawn toward an association with each other in an emotional sense. We do not wish to be without other human contact for long periods of time. Without any abnormal exceptions to this instinctive and intuitive trait in all of us, we are actually in “need” of each other in ways beyond the obvious of reproductive necessities or any other type of biological support. For those rare few who appear to be void of this trait, I will state that I believe that they are not actually devoid of this core part of the human construction at all but rather a victim of some form of unfortunate severe condition. Without the existence of an emotional and/or mental condition that creates a perceived alteration of this trait, I absolutely believe that all of us not only want but actually need some degree of routine contact with others.      This contact is naturally sought after without conscious effort.      Likewise, our desires to be near others comes in the form of care if there are only natural circumstances involved.

It is only within the confines of our human misconceptions and illusions that any separation or competitions are ever introduced.

Allow me to ask a question that will very likely cause a contemplation you have never considered before.           Why?          I am absolutely serious and sincere in my purpose of this extremely large and tremendously important question.         Why, do we “need” to be routinely associated with others in our species from an emotional perspective.

For those of you willing to engage this contemplation with a truly sincere attitude, I will suggest that to answer this question within the total capacity of it’s own completion, you will have discovered the main reason that we still exist as a thriving species on this planet. Also, I do not believe this answer will come easy and I am certain it should not be taken lightly.

Consider this… If you did not physically need others to provide your basic necessities of food, water, clothing, medicine etc., would you then not wish to have contact with others? Remove all of the basic support mechanisms that we provide to each other and really try to imagine how you would actually feel about contact with others if your physical life had absolutely no dependency on anyone else.

The point is obvious within my perspective.      We actually do “need” each other beyond the visible surface reasons of basic biological support. So if you also accept this premise as true, then again I will ask……why do we need contact with others on an emotional basis?     Remember, we have removed any and all of the obvious physical reasons. If you could live out your entire life secluded in an environment that was extremely comfortable, had everything you could ever need or want (physically) and you were always alone, how would this existence seem to you?

This contemplation is completely without any scientific answer.      Contained within the true answer we find the soul of human energy.      Found within this concept there exists no segregation of specific religions or races or nationalities.

It is within our current structure that there exists a creature which has evolved into a species that could destroy itself were it not for this “built-in need” to stop ourselves from being alone. We are the only species on this planet to have outgrown our own maturity within our physical capabilities and as such this protective creation of “needed association” comes with us and not from us. On our own, the human being is not yet advanced enough to realize our own illusions of separateness. As we grow toward a future of believing in a common oneness, we will indeed come closer to understanding the complete answer of,

we are actually connected with each other beyond the physical.

The physical existence is periodic and represents an illusion of separateness. The complete existence of pure energy beyond the human comprehension is continual and all inclusive. It is here where we live in a state of complete harmony as one.

My thoughts on “Truth”

How does your mind work? I’m not asking this in a broad sense, I’m asking you personally. How does your mind work? This question has no short simple answer. First of all, the general nature of this question provides little direction as to my intention of asking it. So far, with just the information you have, you could only move toward an answer based on your priority structure. Without additional influence from me, which would come via a more precise set of ingredients as additional details, you have only the description that your own thoughts would generate. Some of you would assume a scientific answer was my intent. Many of you will only consider the mind as a determination of intellect. Others would quickly go toward an emotional or spiritual answer. Some would require “proven” technical data as a foundation to answer how the (your) mind functions, while others of you would be intrigued by a belief regardless of any “scientific fact”. Well guess what?…. You’re all correct.         Actually, there are no wrong answers, there is only your answer. I will say this however; the mind is much more than just a singular ingredient of purpose. The mind is the common place of interactivity between the exterior world of all the recognizable through our physical senses and the immense energies that encompass the all of everything beyond a human comprehensible understanding. The mind connects the known with the unknown. Or, a more personal description might be, a connection of the heart and brain.

Consider these examples of belief or tangible proof?             I am going to assume that nearly all of you have at least heard of the concept of “witching” for water. This is when an individual uses a pair of stiff wires or a tree branch of their choice and basically walks along slowly until the object in their hands moves in a certain way. With the objects movement, the finding of water at some level is determined to be at that point below ground. To my knowledge there is not any accepted scientific explanation for this phenomenon. With only this information, how many of you accept this concept as fact?

What about the concept of psychic abilities? There are those who use various methods to realize or “see” things about others they do not personally know. In many cases this process is determined to have a certain level of futuristic awareness toward events and / or people. Again, to my knowledge there is not any accepted scientific explanation for this phenomenon. With only this information, how many of you accept this concept as fact?

Now I would like to introduce a specific word into the equation of, what determines something as fact?      Truth.      With this, I have another question for all of you…… Is there any such thing as truth?     Wow! I can feel many of you yelling your own list of proclaimed definite absolute answers to this last question. At this point some of you might think I’m playing some sort of word game, and, maybe I am in a sense, but my intent is very sincere. Now allow me to alter the “buzz word” (truth) in this discussion as a means to expand my message. What does the suggestion of “Perceived Truth” mean to you?      In actual reality, it is only this type of truth that is absolute in the human condition. We each have our own personally perceived truths that are completely based on our individual model of the world around us. Like fingerprints or DNA, no two people will have identical versions of a world model that they both perceive as complete and total truth. It is simply not possible from a mathematical perspective. Every second of each day we individually gather an on-going and unlimited array of data entries from our physical world and we each process all of this in our own unique way. This massive amount of information along with all of our individual emotional connections and processes that are beyond the world of physical view create our personal model of the world as we each decide it is to us. With this understanding, the definition of “perceived truth” is the only rational outcome to our search for what is real. It is my strong belief that the identification of what is “real” and what is perceived through “illusion” is extremely abstract to all of us.

It is very naïve to suggest that all human beings operate under a small and certain set of common ultimate truths. The two examples above, revealing water witching and psychic abilities are only a couple of very basic concepts that give us an idea of our many disagreements toward what represents truth. For those of you who insist that “Ultimate Truth” is only based on physically proven acceptance, you have only to examine the history of human beliefs to realize that the  “physically proven” concept is temporary and continually changing. Likewise, for those of you who insist that “Ultimate Truth” is only found within a particular belief structure of any religious diagram, you have only to examine the disagreement contained within the protocol of the many different versions. Within the confines of the human ability to comprehend, the awareness of ultimate truth is unavailable in our construction. This is necessary to achieve the “experiences” of a physical existence. It is only within our quests to proceed and learn and experience that we find motivation to remain in tact as a physical species. Should the human being ever actually know all that is, while in physical form, the product of a physical being would cease. In fact, I believe the irony speaks for itself in this regard.

        Within the human makeup, the only actual ultimate truth is indeed that the same is nonexistent.

     We all tend to throw around our use of the word “truth” quite a bit. What we are actually doing is applying our personal or group meanings in a figurative sense as we proclaim our version(s) of what is true in general. In reality, the only means in which we can use a literal sense of the word is when we are proclaiming a personally “perceived” truth. It is only in this regard that we each can insist what represents a truth. Beyond our own individual conscious awareness, all other versions of what is true are hearsay and speculation. To achieve a general cohesiveness within a group or society, an overall acceptance of a broad spectrum of “truths” are established and somewhat necessary. These types of guidelines do not represent any actual truths toward ultimate reality, but rather signify a common acceptance of a general direction within those boundaries. Again, when considering the cohesive needs of a common community, a list of reasonable and willingly accepted general truths are valuable.

However, when examining the real truth of the matter, the ultimate importance is found within your own presence of mind.

Seasonal Emotions?…..you’re not alone

If major holidays find you struggling with stress when it seems the rest of the people around you are happy and excited, I will tell you, you are not alone. Many of those other people you are looking at are simply going through the motions themselves. November brings many different things to all of us. Here in the U.S. it signifies the onset of another major holiday season. Fall is well advanced and winter is knocking on the door. Thanksgiving is nearly upon us and, before you know it, Christmas. It is precisely this time of year and specifically these holidays that reveal the widest array of emotions in a huge number of us. The personal levels found within the emotional state of many people seem to be magnified with the approach and arrival of this season of holidays each year. For some, this is a favorite time each year. For others, it  has little impact on a personal level. And yet there is another group that feel a deep sense of personal struggle as they maneuver through the months of November and December. It is this third family of people that I wish to speak to. My purpose is very personal and sincere.         I can relate.         I have belonged to this group for a long time. For me, the felt energy is wide spread and diversified. I am greatly impacted by the sense of goodness that exudes from the nature of human kindness; yet I also feel a personal sense of seclusion. This is a loneliness that has been with me for a long time. I will also tell you I am moving toward it’s elimination. Make no mistake; not all of my years have been revealed as a total hardship. In fact, from an exterior perspective most would assume that I was doing well. This is only a façade. There are exceptions to this assumption of emotional wellness, and many stem from my childhood years. Simply put, childhood for me was not pretty. Severe household trauma was the norm in my family when I was growing up during the 60’s and 70’s. But time goes on and I quickly found myself to be a parent and step-parent, which gave me the opportunity to set a much different example as a father than I had experienced myself. I believe I did fairly well in this category, although I was a long way from perfect. Like most parents, through the use of hindsight I realize things I could have improved.

With this said…… I do realize that I can only judge myself in the parenting category by accepting that the tools I had to work with at the time were limited and without any good example. I made my choices and decisions at any given time with the information I had along with the perspective I had at that point in time.

It has taken a lot of self analysis for a very long time to fully understand how deeply lasting the effects created within the foundation of our childhood are upon our structure as an adult and parent. It is especially during this time of year that the results of my past status remind me of my weak areas as a parent.

It is also a time of reminder as to how different I am from our “normal” surroundings. The prosperous events of celebration and receiving gifts are foreign to my comfort. My “deserving” issues are anchored in a deep and very established foundation which has me wishing to give and not receive. I find huge purpose and satisfaction in the act of giving to others. A reversal of direction has typically brought drastically different feelings. It is only in the very recent past that I would actually open a wrapped gift myself. The amount of personal struggle associated with that simple act is beyond description in words. The culmination of more than 5 decades of internal hardship has produced the current product of me. It seems much of the world suffers from a lack of concern for others; for me it has been an opposing path. I have suffered from a lack of concern for myself. These traits evolved into a reclusive assignment that I have always given to myself. My usual holiday will have me avoiding the expectation of participation. Many times, the day of America’s thanksgiving will find me heavy with personal emotional struggle…… Many times, I am relieved at its end.

Even so, my optimism has a way of telling me this too will change.

My defense toward battling the depression that routinely accompanies the holidays is not found inside a prescription or with the acquisition of professional  services. My strengths are found within, and not visible by any physical display. For many years I have searched beyond my physical self to analyze from a “distance”. Although I assume that most who have been trained and taught by the system of our current standard of practices in mental and emotional condition would disagree, I use an ever increasing level of self awareness based in intelligence and rational feeling to find comfort in my immediate struggle. “Distance” as I am using it here, is an ability to temporarily step outside of the all encompassing involvement of fear, worry and depression and place myself as a sort of 3rd party onlooker. In this way, I consider and contemplate my situation, direction and purpose within an analytical format that provides a stable assessment from a perspective of neutral. I have written many analytical articles over the years from this place of neutral that allowed me to assess my struggles from an intellectual perspective. These self generated “articles” were written as though I would publish them, however in nearly every case they ended up in my top right drawer. This has been one of my greatest practices because it was during these writings that I found balance and relief. (I talk about this in greater detail in my series of books,  “thelistenbooks”).

         Rational feeling is very important and should be the primary source of guidance for the human experience.

This is the core of everything I encourage. When you actually “listen” to those undeniable feelings that just seem natural and purposeful for your path, the desire for pre-emptive tangible proof is subordinate to your heart felt or “rational feelings”. I am very “lucky”, should you believe in luck, that I have an external outlet for these analytical and internal findings. I discovered this a long time ago and now use it routinely. This very writing is my latest example. You see, my “luck” is no accident.                I “listen” and write.

You do not have to publish books to realize the tremendous power of writing. If you have deep internal struggles, take out a note pad and allow all of your feelings to flow through the pen. Do not force, simply allow whatever wants to come. These notes have no destination other than the conversation you wish.      Please do not discount this advice.      Involving your hand and eyes in the creation of visible words on paper will have an impact you will not believe. These are the conversations with oneself. Your hand will give you the translation of feelings that can only bring you goodness from a place beyond our recognizable. If you allow this energy to be known, you will know what it is to “Listen”.  Let it all come through; edit nothing.        “Listen” and write.       With sincere and continuing effort you will gain a sense relief and insight from which hope and personal control will emerge.

For me……..It is with the written word that I can finally have it both ways.

I write for internal awareness and peace…. and…. to offer the greatest gift I can extend outward. No greater joy can I find beyond the help my writing may provide…..to you… and me.

Distant Lights

It was 1979. I am 20 years old and I got a job with a local farmer / rancher in the north western part of California where I grew up. This job had me in the hills mostly, driving tractors or repairing fence. My employer was a well established guy who dry farmed several thousand acres of grain and also had a few thousand sheep. It was during mid winter that we would till the steeper hill ground after the sheep had grazed it all summer and fall. Even though it was the rainy season, the steep hill ground, which was also kind of gravely would drain very well and allow the equipment to work without many issues due to mud. With a lot of acres to work, there were times when the tractors would go 24 hours a day and never stop for several weeks at a time. During February of 1980 my boss asked me to spend a couple of weeks or so operating one of these tractors at a ranch that was secluded in a hilly region about 20 miles from the main operation and fairly isolated. He wanted me to work nights pulling a disc behind one of the HD 15’s. The HD’s were a large and very powerful machine that ran on steel tracks. Because of the side hill conditions it was widely known that you do not use tractors with tires in steep terrain due to the dangers of rolling over. I was told that for taking the night shift I would make an additional 25 cents / hour. I believe with that increase I was at $2.75 / hour. My shift started at 6 pm and finished at 9 am. My relief worker started at 6 am but had other chores prior to taking over the tractor operation during the day. I remember the discipline it took for me to last the 15 hours each night for those two weeks. These tractors were open without any cab, they were very loud and it was extremely cold. By the time I had all the layers of clothing on that I used in an attempt to not freeze completely, I could hardly move freely enough to operate the levers which controlled the hydraulics for the implement and the steering. Even with ear plugs and several layers of head wear, it was easy to doze off regardless of the loudness. The steep and ever changing terrain made it vital to stay as alert as possible so I didn’t drive off into a drainage ravine. As I reflect on that experience, I recall something that brought me a much deeper sense of realization than did all of the exterior elements of struggle.

Solitude.         I can clearly remember those emotions of loneliness that surrounded me in the middle of those isolated hills during the depths of those very long and cold nights. It may seem hard to believe, but even though I was on a screaming and lit up machine, I felt stranded and alone. The different types of struggles would compete within my mind as to which was harder for me to deal with; the physical conditions of cold and fatigue or the mental and emotional aspects of loneliness. I would have my moments of questioning why I was doing this. Was the extra 25 cents an hour really worth it? More than once I came very close to calling it quits but for some reason I would talk myself out of it. Maybe it was the money; I was 20 years old and broke. Maybe it was the male ego; again, I was 20 years old and had my share of that. Regardless of the actual reasons why I continued on with that job night after night, there was one ingredient that I can still vividly remember that was absolutely instrumental in keeping my mind from playing too many tricks on me. When tilling hill ground you start at the bottoms and basically go around the base of the hills while gradually working your way up the slopes with each round you make. This way the tractor is not struggling to climb one side and then coast (or slide) down the other. So essentially you are nearly always going side hill and leaning so to speak. There were many occasions in which the hill was so steep that I would turn myself sideways in the seat so I could put my foot on the lower side of the seat to act as a support to help keep me upright in the seat. With this type of progress you eventually found your way toward the higher portions of the terrain. It was when I would get to a point high enough on a hill side that I could see the lights far off in the distance.

There was an interstate highway down in the valley that was (and is) a major trucking route. The traffic on that highway was at least 10 miles from my hill sides which made those semi’s look like little tiny lights slowly moving along. I can clearly remember the relief I felt when those lights came in to my view. All at once I did not feel so alone. Nothing in my immediate physical environment changed, yet somehow the sight of those distant lights kept me company.

The emotional benefit I felt from that energy of life and movement way down in the valley had a stabilizing effect on my mental condition. I spent many long and cold hours in that lonely and somewhat secluded hill region looking forward to the next round that would bring me back to the place where the lights were visible. Sometimes it may have taken a half hour to come back around, but as long as I knew they would be there I had a comfort to look forward to.

As a very young man I learned that what we feel and believe on the inside is by far more powerful than what our fears can convince us to believe on the outside.

“Better”

There exists a phenomenon that I have dealt with for a long time. To be “better” seems to come with a price. I remember my first personal experience with this realization. I was a young teenager of 14 years old. During my youth I was quite good at the game of baseball. My primary position was that of pitching although I would routinely play all of the infield positions also. The small town I lived in had a typical little league program that my father actually helped to create when I was 11. As I matured into a teen my abilities advanced also. During our regions all star game in which the best players from each town formed a team to compete with other all star teams from the neighboring towns, I found myself to be a member of our towns “senior division” which consisted of 13, 14 and 15 year old players. My dad was named as the manager of that team and I was one of the pitchers. It was assumed by many that I would be the starting pitcher due to an overall opinion that I was the best on the team. To be honest, I assumed this also. Game day came and I started at 2nd base. One of my classmates who was also my age started the pitching position. The other team had very little trouble hitting and scoring runs and as such he only lasted an inning or two. I believe it was during the 2nd inning when we were trailing by a significant score that my dad made the switch and inserted me as the pitcher. I will say as humbly as I can that I was very good that day. The other teams scoring abruptly stopped as they had a very hard time dealing with my pitches. By the end of the game we had come back to within one run but did end up losing the game. I remember the ridicule my dad received for not starting me in the first place. His defense was very open and honest; he was afraid of being accused of showing favoritism if he started his own son. I was better, but because my dad was the teams decision maker of that game I was held back due to a fear he had.

My next significant memory of this type of occurrence took place in my mid. 20’s. I was hired by a local grocery store chain of 5 or 6 stores as a clerk for a new location they were opening in a town close to me. By the time I interviewed, there only remained one position for the lowest level of clerk. As the first few weeks progressed, it seemed apparent that I was ahead of the pack, so to speak. The management was struggling to successfully organize all the product ordering, so I spoke up and gave my opinions on how to improve this. The assistant manager quickly assigned me the responsibility of ordering all the diary products (milk, cheeses, butters etc). Within a week, which consisted of only 3 orders, this area of the store was stable and stopped running out of product and also had a very low waste factor. Needless to say I was given this department permanently and other increased responsibilities as well. I had all the other clerks and a “head clerk” in front of me in position, yet I was actually taking care of more responsibilities. This became frustrating for me after a few months. I was performing well above the job description I had but was not receiving the associated benefit. I remember a conversation I had one day in the backroom of the store with the head clerk. His title made him 3rd in charge behind the store manager and assistant manager. He honestly said to me that I should have his job. According to him, I was better at leading people and getting things done in that type of environment. I had to agree. However, he happened to be the son-in-law of the original owner and as such…. well, you know. Next, was a clerk that was put in charge of the front end where all the checkers are. She had many years of experience in the grocery business and was personally hired by the manager with whom she had worked with in other stores for a long time. Before long she developed jealousy issues with me due to the routine attention the managers were giving to me. I was directly hired by the owners son who was moving into the position of taking over the company. He had told me specifically he wanted local people like me to work in this new location for recognizable reasons to the clientele. When I asked him if I would ever be transferred to another store, which were all located many more miles away from where I lived, he very assuredly said “no, you will stay in that store”. Time passed and soon the jealous clerk began to make derogatory remarks to the management about me. She was creating a situation in an attempt to knock me down in their eyes. Much to her dislike, when the son-in-law head clerk transferred to another location I was immediately put into that position. A few months later I heard the manager tell the owner that I was the best head clerk he had seen in 30 years of the grocery business. When the drama created by the older clerk escalated to a point of very difficult working conditions between us, the same owner who assured me of my permanent position in that location announced he was transferring me. His reason? I was very good and he needed me elsewhere. Again, I was better, yet it fell upon me to pay the price for being good. This was the last employee based job I had for the next 27 years as I soon quit to become fulltime self employed.

Since then I have had many occasions of similar experience. You would have a hard time believing some of the things I have been told by prospective clients as they verbally listed my qualifications and superior knowledge over my competition. I have been thanked repeatedly for educating them, taking the time to thoroughly explain and, believe it or not, for even being the lowest price on some occasions, only to have their next statement be: ” but I am going with someone else”. I have sat with people for many hours discussing and eventually drawing out their custom home they wished to build only to drive by their location a few months later and see “my house” being built by another contractor. Some occasions may have simply been a cost factor but many were not. More recently, I have engaged many prospective solar clients who have called me to provide an explanation and quote for their desired installation of that equipment. More than once, I have been thanked repeatedly for educating them well beyond what they had been told by anyone else and I have even been told that my price was very competitive if not actually the lowest. Some of these folks seem to feel a sense of responsibility to call me back and tell me that they have decided to “go with someone else”. It is as though they are trying to convince themselves while attempting to explain their reasons to me. I hear it in their voice. They are many times doubting their own decision.

So by now I’ll bet many of you have developed opinions as to why this happens to me. “I’m not selling myself well enough”. “I expect this result so it manifests itself”. “I don’t know how to close the deal”. Some of you may wonder if my attitude displays arrogance or a strong delivery or perhaps the opposite extreme of revealing a lack of confidence. All of these may be accurate within certain circumstances, (except the lack of confidence one) however, there are plenty of times when a decision made by a client along with their offered attempts at an explanation simply defies logic. As I consider whether or not I would change my approach in an attempt to gain more immediate favorable results, I must sincerely conclude that I cannot. What it all comes down to is being yourself. I simply cannot or will not pretend. I find myself in the educational role very frequently these days and , to be very honest, I feel like I belong there. While it is true that I have had more than my share of “paying the price for being better”, it is also true that my approach reflects complete sincerity. Regardless of how it may sound, I am very good at my chosen tasks and I will not turn in to a “salesman” in an attempt to gain a higher paycheck. Each of us makes our own choices as to how we carry ourselves within our professional environment. Your individual priority structure will always determine what your form of measurement is when judging your personal success in your career. Whether an employee or self employed, it really is up to each of you to decide what factors drive your motivations. I have offered a brief description of my travels in this regard not as a comparable toward any of your choices but rather as an example of realizing who you truly are and what motivates you to engage your quests. If you “Listen” to your deepest feelings on the subject, you will know how you should conduct yourself.

Consider this…………

If you were to eavesdrop on a conversation between several members of your professional environment, what would you hear?

Bitter / Sweet

This is a short story about an experience I had with one of my daughters many years ago. She and I were very close when she was a child growing up. Now in her mid 30’s, we are still on good terms however we talk only on occasion. A lot of inter- family change along with her becoming a busy mom and professional teacher has helped to create a sort of distant relationship. Also, I am responsible for a large part in the creation of a distant relationship with several of my adult kids including her. This has no real reason, other than, I have moved into a somewhat reclusive state over the past 3 – 4 years. Life has brought me many changes both professionally and personally during this time period. I have professionally withdrew myself from all but a few occasional jobs (I’m self employed). Likewise, I have become quite anti social. There are no major reasons except one and it may sound a bit extreme to most of you. I will say that my current lifestyle is very different from most of my previous 30 years of, what many would call, a ridiculous work load and very busy involvements. In the past 3+ years I have focused a lot of energy on writing. What’s interesting about this is that I did not plan this massive personal change (at least not consciously). Because of my priority switch toward writing along with various other personal changes, I have in many ways become someone completely different  than I was not so long ago. This has created an exterior view from others whom I once spent considerable time with, that must have them wondering what has caused such a change in me. For the purpose of this short article I will simply say , I was always going to come to this time of priority change and focus. My writing endeavors have been there waiting for the right time to surface and they finally did. I have no ill feelings or reasons to be distant from anyone, especially my adult children, it is simply a time for me to produce a lot of written material which is taking me away from very much social activity.

As I reflect on some of the different times and the many years that have seemed to just fly by, I recall a specific occasion with my daughter. While growing up she was very interested in playing music. In the 5th grade she joined the school band and was hooked. For the next 8 years, through high school graduation, she was very involved in the band and also in a couple of community music groups. I’m not sure if I could remember all the different instruments she picked up and taught herself to play. It saddens me to remember all the concerts that I did not attend. On occasion I would go, but more times than not, I missed them. I could come up with the reasons, but now they would all seem so petty. There was one occasion in which I was greatly affected by the reality of what I had missed. She had graduated college and was in her mid 20’s. With the teaching degree she had earned, she became a 5th grade teacher and the schools band instructor ( no surprise at all). It came time for the holiday band concert the school was putting on for all the parents and now my daughter had a much different role. Now, she was the instructor and director of these kids and this concert. I went, and stood in the back of the packed house against the wall and watched her stand up there and perform. She stood on that stage and faced a very large audience of parents and grandparents and announced each song her students would play. Then, she would turn to face her group of several dozen kids and orchestrate each song which created a great concert. Even though this was 10 years ago, I remember the emotions I felt as though it was yesterday. I did not want that show to end for me OR her. I could have watched her for hours as she was leading those kids in front of all their parents and grandparents. I wanted to go back and redo all of those times I missed her play. I felt guilty, upset with myself, very sad and, at the same time, I was experiencing huge feelings of joy in the moment of watching her that evening.

She is now 34 years old, with 3 kids of her own and still a teacher. Due to budgetary reasons the schools are rapidly doing away with band, and as such she does not do that part of it any longer.

I can only imagine how much she must miss it.        I know I do.

The generation of positive change

In this article I am going to talk about others. In fact, I intend to talk about an entire group. These are the young adults of today. I refer to this group as the generation of positive change. Actually, this current group is really just the beginning. I do not have a specific age bracket in mind when I attempt to identify them, so I will broadly categorize these people as  the 20- 35 year old adults, give or take a few years. I believe this generation (or two) of young people are headed for great change and I also believe that their children and grand children will continue to impress. I have had these feelings for a while now and they only seem to get stronger. So what do I mean and why do I believe this is arranging? Part of it I can explain and then there are those other areas that I can sense but have a hard time describing. When I consider the strengths of this group, I get many good feelings and thoughts.

“Balance” comes to mind. They do not seem to have the intense desire of competition toward others with a different view. There is an increased level of confidence in our young people that seems to welcome open minded discussion. Likewise, they feel much less need to rebel against their parents as have previous generations. The same statement could definitely not be made about my generation. I think the baby boomers, of which I am part of, practically invented the rebellious attitude, even though I must say that some was unavoidable  and necessary in those days. Next, this young group is more accepting of others. Much of the traditional lines of segregation among the races, political stances, social identities and gender restrictions are becoming an unwelcomed condition. This group is definitely less judgmental toward other perspectives than have been our routine insisted upon closed mindedness of days gone by. It gives me a sense of tremendous optimism to see a change taking place within the younger adults of today when it comes to casting harsh judgements toward others that we have no personal knowledge of. Please do not misunderstand my message here. I am definitely not suggesting that our young people will allow abuse without recourse. I believe this group embodies a very powerful strength. Their strength is a quiet one that will not need as much display. To put it simply, they are doers and not just talkers. Integrity is another characteristic that is building within this group.

In our history it has been common to automatically assume that those “other people” were not as good as us because of their address, a differing perspective, their religion, long hair, a tattoo, a sexual preference, an education level, how they voted, or a million other personal things. I get a strong feeling that as these young people age and become the decision makers of our society, we will begin a shift in the long standing traditions of self imposed human hierarchy. I am aware that we can find members of this group who participate in damaging acts toward themselves and others, and, who will also continue to march to the beat of yesterdays drum. But when we consider the big picture, I am convinced that our young adults of today will become the pioneers of an entirely different and better approach toward human cohesiveness. The human structure will always have flaws. To believe otherwise would equate to the development of a standard that is not as we are designed to function. Without the “trouble” as a comparable, we could not experience the “happy”. It is only through contrast that a physical being can experience life.

It is not often that I will make a prediction, but in this case I am doing just that. I truly believe that our collective tomorrows will reveal many positive changes in our experiences and that this reality is in this process of arranging itself. This young group has the capacity and capability to provide the examples that many future generations will build upon. There will always be those who choose to live their life within a self imposed panic of fear. These are the unfortunate few who approach their existence as without any personal responsibility and as such, cast the blame elsewhere for their problems. For them, the design of their life is without their participation or control. I feel that this type of attitude is decreasing within our young adults. You see, it all begins in the mirror and, unlike many of our past denials, I believe this group is not afraid to look. First comes personal responsibility toward yourself and next, your responsibility to the world. As this increases, so too will the outcome produced by the widespread implementation of the Golden rule. Not all tradition is destined to change, however, the young leaders of today will create an increasing attitude of collective cooperation and benefit in our tomorrows, as they decide for themselves that many of their inherited rigid belief structures are damaging to the growth of the human condition. Change is in the air and should be embraced and encouraged by those of us who came from an older time of severe societal and cultural separation.

People treating other people as they themselves want to be treated……Quite a concept isn’t it?

Brilliance

There exist among us a very few. These individuals are indeed special; although to ask them directly would reveal something else. Allow me to share a list of common characteristics found in the very small population of truly brilliant people.

They are very aware of how different they are from “normal” people. The emotional struggles can be intense. A constant mental activity that doesn’t stop. Sleep is interrupted with ongoing thoughts. They multitask their chores with hours of day dreaming.  To fit in with “the crowd” is not achieved nor desired. They see things and feel things around them that are screaming the obvious, yet the masses seem oblivious. Complete contentment is always sought after and rarely achieved. Goals are reached and surpassed yet the strive to be better continues. The driving forces come from elsewhere; they can’t turn it off. They must pursue their quests, even when it means judgement of choices will be cast.

Brilliance is not an impressive degree from a predesigned protocol; it is to be the designer of the protocol itself. Brilliance should not be confused with genius. Genius is the ability to comprehend difficult problems and demonstrate massive intellectual capabilities. True Brilliance brings lasting benefit to the human condition by having the presence of mind to integrate with genius.

The oddities and social infractions are but a few of the realities lived with. The status quo is the enemy for it is already outdated. Comfort zones are viewed as lazy interpretations of success. They know what it is like to be told they can’t or shouldn’t…… but they must.

Following is nearly impossible; they despise restrictions. A loner, a leader, a teacher and mentor, all describe the integrity of brilliance. A small group in numbers, but the power to change the world.   I applaud you all.

Acceptance & Approval

Family, friends, peers and mentors. These groups of people that surround most of us represent those that we believe care about us at varying degrees and are also those that are judging us. An extremely powerful part of our human structure is centered around the desire to be associated with others near us. I have referred to this many times as the “herd” mentality. In general, people are drawn toward each other. As we narrow this circle of association to only include those we are very routinely in contact with we can find a very interesting concept that impacts us greatly. Simply put, whether we admit it out loud or not, we search for their acceptance of who we are and what we represent to our surroundings. If our mutual environment is in a professional setting this acceptance desire will depend on our direct relationship to each individual. The drive for a tangible acceptance will typically be found in the connection to a supervisor or boss (for obvious reasons). Within the confines of a peer, most people are looking for respect in a sense of mutual qualifications. We want others in our group to feel we are talented and qualified. As we continue to squeeze this core group of those who are directly involved with us down, we will find yet another level of importance when considering our internal desires to be accepted as our true self. This group will be made up of those few who have a significant impact on us. A mentor, a best friend, maybe an aunt or uncle etc. These are the folks with whom we routinely talk to about our travels. We value their opinions and advice and truly believe they are sincere and concerned about our welfare. It is quite important to us that they accept us for who we are. Finally, we come to the most intimate connection we have with another human being. This connection may or may not include a physical attachment. This can encompass a single other individual or several, however, it is likely an extremely small list. This can be with a parent(s), a child, a grandparent, a sibling or a spouse. Although I am sure there are those occasions that this deep level of connection is outside of this group, I believe that the majority of the time our most deepest attachments will be found within a close family member(s). It is here that we move our priority from acceptance to approval. In my opinion, the difference is very important. “Acceptance”, is a general acknowledgement of a circumstance without conflict or refusal. A typical 5 year old child accepts the fact of a set and early bed time. “Approval”, is absolutely much more personal and agreed with internally. The same 5 year old emphatically approves of his/her birthday and the receiving of presents.

There is a very deep and connected psychological and emotional bond that some of us have with one or two other individuals that can have us searching for their approval to the point of extremes. In fact, many (if not most) of these situations are coming from our subconscious level and are very likely beyond our personal awareness. In other words, we may not realize how much we are concerned about receiving their approval. Consider a couple of examples and ask yourself if this type of concept may apply to you.

Your father was a star in sports. You grew up hearing the stories and looking at his trophies on the shelf. He’s a great dad and you spend a lot of time together. All through school you struggled just to make the team. You really didn’t want to play but did not know how to tell your dad, so instead you forced yourself to be on the team. Now as an adult you are constantly looking for his approval. Make no mistake, you know he accepts you for who you are, but there is something deep inside that is causing you doubt. You are not convinced he is absolutely proud of you personally and sincerely approves of your choice of paths.

Your mother has never really understood you. As a child and teenager you did not have much in common with her. She has always been very social and outgoing with people but you were shy and reserved all through school. You felt like a disappointment to her. She would try to convince you to join things but you resisted. She signed you up for swimming lessons when you were small, then later a martial arts class in an attempt to encourage you to be more social. You went a time or two with heavy reluctance and before long you convinced her to let you quit. There were even times when you were a teenager that she thought you may have to go see a therapist. Now, your well past your school years and you have become much more socially active in your own way, however , you continue to believe your mom just does not truly understand what makes you tick. You have had a couple of jobs that you realize must cause her concern due to the assumed risk factors, but you are driven to be different than the “norm”. Most of your siblings have steady careers and appear to be stable and very routine. This is completely different from who you are at the moment and your search for your moms approval seems to be unattainable.

We all bring forward many things from our past. Anchors that were established in our personal belief structures as a child have tremendous influences to us in our adulthood. I can very confidently tell you, that if you dissect and calmly assess your early years, you will find your answers to many of your current internal struggles. We tend to pattern our environment and all that it shows us when we are young. We then transfer these patterns into “our normal”. Good or bad, it doesn’t matter. Our routines become patterns which we translate into our model of the world as we see it. Our most direct and routine relationships throughout our early years and the exposures they show us will have huge implications as we age. Many will be supportive and others may not. Regardless of the original intent, as an adult you are in a position to understand and make changes where you can. Very often, both the parent(s) and adult children are consciously unaware of these deeply rooted issues. If you have a current relationship with someone very close to you and with sincere analysis you come to realize a deeply rooted concern you have had for a long time, look for a way to bring it out into the open; first with yourself and then, when you feel calm about it on the inside, with them also. Acceptance is a compromise that many of us must be content with. Due to different perspectives and how each of us approach our world, a reasonable acceptance of each other may be the only rational conclusion. It mat not be fair to ask someone else to completely approve of all that you do or pursue. They simply might not be able to fully approve only because they cannot personally relate to your experience and perspective. This can be especially true in a relationship where generations reveal decades of age difference. In my opinion, the most significant step one can take toward a common understanding with a loved one of a differing generation, is to realize that their experiences are very different. Our world changes quickly and as such, what one perception of it was 20 or 30 or 40 years ago seems quite unfamiliar now. I am not presenting this concept of mutual acceptance as one that may always be easy, but it could be the most attainable. At our deepest level we truly desire total approval from those who are the most important in our lives. If you find that you are striving for this at the expense of a completely transparent and comfortable relationship, it might be to the best interest of both of you to expose what is really important.